some holy moments

 As I reach the point in my sabbatical when I must recognise that it is coming to an end, I reflect on three glorious months during which I have experienced so much, learned things about me and the world which shaped me, and slightly unexpectedly discovered new worlds of possibility, filled with exciting visions of a world constantly reshaping and renewing.

I signed off at Easter in the Circuit newsletter by describing some of my hopes and activities that would come together in my search for the 'pennies', the significant places, people and experiences, that have been the foundation of my life. I have done some of all the things I planned, as well as finding many unexpected delights along the way. The way in which the significance in each of the elements has balanced out has surprised me. This is what I wrote before I started.

Our ministry can be an intensely lonely experience in which we are too often seen as ‘different’ and put on a pedestal, from which we spend our time caring for others and trying to offer spiritual insight and wisdom with little being given in return. Often, we end up living far away from our families and friends. Our mental health and our relationships do suffer as a result. Sabbaticals allow us to be fed, to do simple things like sit in a church congregation and not be responsible for leading, to visit people and places and most importantly, simply to be ourselves. A sabbatical is not a time for doing nothing, in fact it can be a very busy time, there is so much we want to fit in. 

Here is a first look back at how the sabbatical turned out:

First and very significantly I had an immediate sense of release from the burden of being 'Rev'. I understand the cultural forces at play in the way ministers are treated in the sorts of church communities I currently serve, but that does not make for a positive experience. Since arriving in London five years ago I feel that I have become less and less of a person with an identity. To be 'Andrew' again has been liberating. I am who I am. I don't have all the answers, I don't want to be on a pedestal (and consequently a target). It's fine for folk around the churches to take the initiative, and take responsibility. I am called to be a minister in the Methodist Church, our ecclesiology is clear that that is not about status, or even in many respects about authority - it is simply about being set apart to fulfil certain tasks. I am flawed, tired, looking ahead to new things - I really need to be 'me'. Helping with one aspect of Pride, without the angst of how people would react, being able to celebrate humanity was a moment of release and joy. Giving out sweets and badges was fun in its own right, but so was being with people who think its a bit odd that I am Church Minister, treat me as a bit of a curiosity and take me with a totally deserved 'pinch of salt'.

Time for family, friends and celebration was always going to be part of the sabbatical, but this became much more significant than I had expected. Planned celebrations included the 120th birthday weekend, as Belinda and I marked our significant birthdays with a weekend in North Yorkshire surrounded by close family and friends. Itinerant ministry (and having to 'work' every weekend, not to mention Christmas, New Year and Easter) makes it difficult to spend time with people whose routines are very different. Our individual birthdays were also celebrated in style with posh Afternoon Tea and Theatre trips. It is hard to overstate how precious these times proved to be, but it was the less planned times which were especially significant. In seeking to honour God's call on my life, and being prepared to move to new places whenever asked, I have on 3 occasions had to leave my son Ben behind. He has never obviously resented this, or he tells me, ever felt abandoned, but I have felt guilty and certainly our relationship has not been as close as it might have been. So the opportunity for the two of us to spend time together was one of the highlights, seeking out the pennies of our common heritage. The icing on the cake was attending his wedding to Heather. The ceremony conducted by the Mayor in a small town in Burgundy was simple and profound.

Of course a spiritual thread ran through the sabbatical and the wedding was one of the most deeply holy moments. To use that word of a civil ceremony in the Hotel de Ville may seem odd, but I can think of no truer way of describing the atmosphere that afternoon. This was the moment when two people who have been friends for many years recognised that they belong together. It was a joyous celebration of love. The Mayor conducted the ceremony with a twinkle in his eye, making it personal and moving, much more than the legal formality it could have been. 

The sense of holiness about the wedding was also part of several places I went. It was found in the art and architecture I encountered, very particularly in the visionary future depicted by architect Zaha  Hadid. (see earlier blog post) I spent much less time in traditional places of worship than I intended and to be honest I feel I have encountered God more closely as a result. Too often I find that the one place where it is hard to sense the divine, or encounter true spirituality is in church on a Sunday. I sense God being pushed out by the noise, constant coming and going, the barrage of words, lack of tolerance for anything unfamiliar and an unwillingness to hear and respond to God's challenge on our lives. So much Christian worship seems to be based on worshippers trying to shape God in their image, rather than allowing themselves to moulded in God's image. I find a much closer encounter in the creativity, vision, hope and love of people I meet, and in the magnificence of the natural world and built environment.

Over these three months there were two very clear exceptions to this, and they formed bookends to the whole experience. As described previously, the end of my first sabbatical week was marked by attending the funeral of a good friend, who had taken his own life. Of course it was a desperately sad occasion, but as I glanced round the congregation I caught a glimpse of the many different lives Gary had influenced. He was a man of deep faith and strong principle, who regularly went into one of the most deprived areas of his city and prayed for the people who were around him, picked up the litter, wept for lives in crisis and exuded love and compassion for every single person he encountered. I was bowled over by the dignity shown by his family, buoyed up by the gentle and thoughtful singing, and inspired by the tributes paid by his friends and family. We said farewell to a wonderful person who perpetually struggled with life, never took the easy way out or resorted to trite answers. 

As the time came to an end there was the retreat at Ampleforth Abbey. I was just 18 when I first discovered this community of Benedictine monks nestled in the rolling hills of North Yorkshire. It is a place which has provided many foundational pennies over the years as I have returned every few years. The Rule of Benedict is characterised by the requirement on the monks to offer welcome and hospitality to all who seek it. That welcome is warm and non-judgemental, the guest house is simple but extremely comfortable. There has never been any question about me not being a Roman Catholic, though not being able to receive communion at Sunday morning Mass is a painful reminder that as Christians we still haven't really grasped that love should triumph over doctrine. Usually my visits have been centred around a series of guided reflections led by one of the monks. They bring an objective wisdom to matters of faith and daily life which has grown out of their rhythm of prayer and gentle singing of the Psalms. Listening carefully to words I sense how the Psalms are not pious words, but simple, gritty and real expressions of the human experience. As in so many aspects of our faith journey, it can be tempting to steer away from the angry, frustrated and dispiriting bits and concentrate solely on Psalms filled with joy and celebration. Such editing though, feeds only the view that God is out to make our lives easy so long as we say the right things. That is a denial of how and why we were created. The monks of Ampleforth may live lives very different from our experience, yet their repeated reflection and recitation of human and divine longing give them a unique understanding which can benefit all of us.

I have already written about some of the places I visited on my quest to see how places and communities have grown over the last 50 years. There will be more about that to come in the next weeks as I take stock of what I saw. On the more personal bits of the journey, the pennies uncovered might have been better left undisturbed, but at the same time my fascination with the way people live in places and spaces has reached new levels. 

At the beginning I noted that sabbaticals can be busy, and this one certainly was! In no particular order this is some of what I got up to:

Visits to reflect on what has become of the communities shown in my collection of builders' literature. Isle of Sheppey, Swanley (Kent), Morpeth, Pegswood, Cramlington (Northumberland), Woodford Halse (Northants), Pickering, Thornton le Dale (North Yorkshire), New Farnley (Leeds).

ABBA - the musical

Research at Museum of Domestic Design and Architecture (MODA) - University of Middlesex.

Museum of the Home - in Hoxton

Convocation of the Methodist Diaconal Order

National Campervan show

Life drawing at The Prince

Motown show

How to make your own cleaning materials workshop - led by Plastic Free Hackney

A New Beginning - exploring post pandemic life at St. Paul's Cathedral

Side-hustle as Co-op Member Pioneer - making contact with community groups across Dalston and Stoke Newington

PRIDE - as part of Co-op's celebration of diversity

Exploring perceptions of self-driving cars at Imperial College, London

A futuristic view of London - Zaha Hadid Architects

The Stonehenge of Hackney (who knows where that is?)

Woodhorn Colliery Museum - exploring the history of my home territory

Safeguarding - Advanced Module

Ampleforth Abbey Retreat- The Transformative Journey

Radical Rooms - exhibition and seminar - Royal Institute of British Architects

Family wedding, birthday party and holiday exploring Norfolk

Get up, stand up - a celebration of the music of Bob Marley.